


When I live my dream (please be there to meet me)

by skamsnake



Series: Ziggy Stardust Series [6]
Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Emotional Sex, First time after Sander’s episode, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Lotus Position, M/M, reconnecting, sander pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:55:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21908545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skamsnake/pseuds/skamsnake
Summary: “Okay, I’ll keep my clothes on tomorrow” Sander nods and smiles, feeling the comforting warmth of Robbe’s hand on his shoulder.“Tonight, though...” he smirks and Robbe smiles back at him, leaning closer.Or, Sander and Robbe’s first time after Sander’s episode
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Series: Ziggy Stardust Series [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1528016
Comments: 24
Kudos: 740





	When I live my dream (please be there to meet me)

**Author's Note:**

> So this was done a little sooner than expected (seriously when does that ever happen to me lol???) so I decided to post right away! (It’s 1 am and I have the flu bear with me ok)
> 
> Based on a sweet tumblr prompt and my own sappy hc’s (jfc I’m so soft for these two make it staahhpp)
> 
> Title is from Bowie’s “When I live my dream”, cause starboy Sander is a big ol sap too.
> 
> Please leave a kudos or a comment if you enjoyed, it really means the world <3

  
***

  
“Okay, I’ll keep my clothes on tomorrow” Sander nods and smiles, feeling the comforting warmth of Robbe’s hand on his shoulder.

“Tonight, though...” he smirks and Robbe smiles back at him, leaning in closer.

“I’ll allow it” he kisses him, a cheeky grin on his lips, and Sander revels in Robbe’s kisses and his new found confidence, in how much he’s grown these past weeks. How much they’ve both grown, together. 

It makes him so incredibly proud to see Robbe finally comfortable in his skin, and even if there’s people all around him, making Sander’s own skin feel tight and a little tense, somehow seeing Robbe like this helps him be a little more comfortable in his own too.

Especially when his skin is touching Robbe’s like now, warm and soft and a little flushed, small whispers of comfort drowning out every sound around them, every noise in his head, as they dance together to shitty music Sander wouldn’t play to his worst _enemy_. Dancing, just like he imagined they would someday, that night in the moonlight in what feels like a lifetime ago. That night, the first time Sander knew with all of his heart, _he is the one._  
  


**

“You okay?” Robbe reaches over to put his toothbrush back in the cup, ruffles Sander’s hair and kisses his cheek, chin resting on his shoulder. 

“Mmh” Sander hums around his toothbrush and smiles to him in the mirror before continuing his scrolling through his phone, through all their friends’ insta posts documenting a night of love and friendship that he’ll forever cherish, even if it was a little much at times. Even if he needed several breaks in the kitchen, always with Robbe by his side like he promised. 

“I still can’t believe you thirst tweeted me today” Sander chuckles as he comes across the Stormzy post Robbe had tagged him in earlier that day, waving it at him playfully.

“I mean, it’s not exactly a tweet…” Robbe smiles from where he’s still leaning against his shoulder, now slowly kissing up his neck.

“But I’m _definitely_ thirsty“ he teases, teeth digging into Sander’s skin momentarily before he disappears out of the bathroom, a mischievous smile on his lips.

Sander can’t help but laugh, quickly finishes brushing his teeth and washing his hands and face in the sink, drying himself off with the towel Zoë had given him as an early Christmas present, probably mostly because she was tired of him constantly stealing hers.

Sander takes a deep breath and looks at himself in the mirror.

He’s doing better. He’s back on his meds and it’s helped seeing his therapist again. He’s been sleeping more too this past week, finding safety in Robbe’s bed, in his arms. 

Still, he can’t help but feel like it could all go wrong at any moment, any minute, can’t help but feel like a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off with how much he feels.

_You’re toxic._

Sander lowers his gaze, tries to avoid the voice in his head telling him he doesn’t deserve this, tries to avoid the judging look in those grey-green eyes staring back at him in the mirror. 

Robbe has been perfect, really. Calm yet firm in the face of adversity, unwavering, like an anchored buoy in stormy waters for Sander to hold onto when he needed it to stay afloat, to navigate with when he needed it to get out of bed or to go to therapy, and Sander can’t quite comprehend how Robbe manages to be simultaneously the strongest and softest boy he’s ever met. 

The depression has been pretty mild this time around and he can’t bear telling Robbe just how much worse it can get. How much worse _he_ can get. It’s too scary and he hates that he can’t always be the fun bubbly Bowie-singing boyfriend that Robbe deserves, that he fell in love with, hates that Robbe sometimes has to be brave for the both of them.

_You break everything you touch._

Sander squeezes his eyes shut. Tries not to think of all the different ways in which he could end up hurting Robbe. All the different parallel universes in which he already _did_ , including this one.

It’s especially hard when Robbe tries to be intimate with him. Whenever his lips linger slightly, asking to be kissed a little longer, _harder_ , or whenever his fingers trace small circles on his skin, quietly asking to be touched back. 

Robbe isn’t pushing him, though. In fact, he’s the most steady thing in Sander’s life right now, maybe _ever_ , patiently waiting until Sander is ready to fully _be_ in his body again. And it’s not that Sander doesn’t want to. In fact, it’s all he’s been thinking about all day, just how gorgeous Robbe looks, how _good_ he smells, _tastes,_ how much he wants it, wants _him._

It’s just that every time they’re close enough for Robbe to press against him, for Sander to reach down and pull his hips closer, his brain reminds him that the last time they were this close, the last time he touched Robbe like this, he broke his heart.

Sander's chest tightens whenever he thinks back to that night. 

How sweet and confused Robbe had looked holding his hand up those stairs, shy and maybe a little nervous. How breathtakingly beautiful he’d been under him, eager and excited and so responsive as Sander opened him up slowly, soft and warm and tight when he finally pushed inside, gorgeous and giggling in his arms when they both came way too fast. 

How confident he’d been later in the shower, when what was supposed to be a quick clean-up to cool down left them both burning bright with new desire building so rapidly that Robbe had turned around, pressed himself up against Sander and whispered a pleading _“fuck me again”_ , leaving them both even hotter than before, sweaty and satiated in the steam as they came back down from their high. 

Only Sander didn’t. He stayed up there in thin air, floating, expanding, until his body couldn’t contain him any longer, until he exploded and left behind the one good thing in his life.

But Robbe is here _now,_ Sander reminds himself as he steps out of the bathroom and into his room. He’s _happy_ , living his truth in every minute, and Sander gets to see it, gets to live it with him. Still, he feels like the biggest fraud in the world. Like a shipwreck just waiting to go down, dragging Robbe along with him. 

“Come” 

Robbe smiles from the bed, lifting the duvet in invitation and Sander swallows hard, sends him a careful smile and climbs up on the bed, slipping under the covers and into Robbe’s arms. Into safety.

“You sure everything is okay?” Robbe asks a little while later, leaning in to kiss his temple, “You’re so quiet today”

“Yeah” Sander whispers in the small space between them, fingers playing with Robbe’s angel pendant, “I’m okay”

“You know I was just joking, right? We don’t have to-“

“I know” Sander smiles, tilting his head up to catch Robbe’s lips, “I want to. I missed you so much” he says, kissing him again and it feels good, feels _right._

“Let’s just take it slow” Robbe whispers in between lingering kisses, his lips slightly parted and a quiet moan slipping out as Sander licks tentatively into his mouth. 

It feels good, soft and warm and _true_ and Sander lets himself enjoy the tingling sensation Robbe’s lips leave on his skin and the way it seems to travel up his spine, setting every nerve ending on fire. Lets himself deepen the kiss further as Robbe slips under him, lacing fingers together with Sander’s above his head. 

“God, I want you so bad” Robbe breathes into his mouth and spreads his legs wider, “I miss feeling you inside me” he moans quietly, hips bucking up to meet Sander’s and he takes the lead, pushing Robbe’s hands into the mattress to grind against him, only now realizing how painfully hard he actually is himself.

“Is this okay?” Robbe whispers, a hand coming down to tease at the waistband of Sander’s boxers and Sander nods and kisses him again, helps Robbe get them both naked.

Robbe’s hard too and Sander feels dizzy with want, frantic almost from the friction of Robbe’s pulsing dick sliding against his own, feels like his heart is about to burst right out of his chest with how much he wants to make Robbe feel good too, how much he wants to give back.

He reaches for the lube on the bed next to them, coating his fingers quickly and Robbe arches up against him, spreads his legs further to give room for him between them and Sander can’t wait to touch him, to feel him again.

“Oh you’re...?” Sander stops and looks down at him, lips curling into a surprised smile.

“I’m ready, yeah” Robbe chuckles and blushes a little, 

“I kinda prepared earlier, I was just so… Sorry, is that too desperate?” Robbe bites his lip and covers his eyes, endearingly embarrassed.

“God no, that’s so hot” Sander kisses him with renewed urgency, growing instantly harder when he feels Robbe open up with ease around his fingers.

Breathless and a little bewildered, Sander takes a firm grip at the base of his cock and Robbe reaches down to help him guide it inside. It feels so good, warm and wet around him and Sander still can’t quite believe they’re finally here after everything they’ve been through, that he actually gets to live his dream. Suddenly worried that it is in fact all just a dream, a delirium.

“You can move now, it’s okay” Robbe brushes a hand up his arm encouragingly but Sander freezes, holding his breath as his heart starts racing a mile a minute with the sudden anxiety creeping up his back.

“Sander?” Robbe tries again. 

“I just- _fuck_ ” Sander’s breathes out, forehead coming down to rest against Robbe’s chest as he tries to gather himself “I just.. I’m so fucking scared I’ll hurt you” 

“You won’t hurt me” Robbe kisses him reassuringly, “It feels good, Sander, I’m ready. You’re not hurting me” 

Sander can feel Robbe tighten around him and he has to bite back a sob.

“I just don’t want to ever hurt you” Sander says, voice trembling as he buries his face in Robbe’s neck, “Not in this universe, not _ever_ ” 

“Sander, look at me“ Robbe reaches up to cup his face, tilting his head up to meet his eyes, “You’re not hurting me, do you hear me? You’re so good for me. So good.”

“It’s just-“ Sander looks down at him, blinking through tears, “I’m so scared, Robbe. I’m so scared and I can’t lose you again, I just can’t and-“

“Let’s try something, come” Robbe says calmly and pulls him down closer, tightens around him again as he gently rolls them over to straddle him, reaching down to pull Sander up with him so he’s sitting upright too, still safely inside him. 

Robbe’s legs are braced around Sander’s waist, his arms wrapped firmly around his shoulders, and Sander leans into him, pressing his ear up against Robbe’s chest to listen to his heartbeat. 

“You feel that, baby?” Robbe murmurs into Sander’s hair, “I’m right here, we’re right here now. In _this_ universe”

“Yes” Sander whispers against his skin, “Please don’t let go of me”

Robbe pulls him in tighter and Sander can feel him smile into his hair.

”Never”

They stay like this for a little while, exchanging soft kisses and quiet whispers of comfort until Sander is ready for Robbe to start moving slowly, gently rocking them back and forth.

Sander can’t move much in this position, so instead he lets Robbe take the lead, hips rolling with intent as Sander starts caressing his neck and chest, kissing his nipples.

Robbe throws his head back and grinds down harder, arms clinging tightly to Sander, buried deep inside him.

He starts panting, wet moans and heat filling the air between them and for the first time in a long time, Sander isn’t scared of what might happen in the future. Isn’t worried about what tomorrow will bring, just lets himself _be_.

Focuses on Robbe and how beautiful he is, skin flushed and thighs trembling around his waist as Sander pulls him down into his lap and wraps a hand around his throbbing cock, bringing him closer and closer to the brink. 

“Come with me, Sander. I want you to come with me” Robbe begs breathlessly, fingers buried in Sander’s hair as he finally lets go, shoots in between their flushed bodies and coats Sander’s hand and his own chest, tipping Sander right over the edge with him, face buried in Robbe’s neck as he comes deep inside him, sweet and warm and everything Sander could ever wish for.

**

“Aren’t you going to open your gift from secret Santa?” Sander nods towards the bedside table, sleep-warm and spent.

“It was you who told me to wait, remember?” Robbe smiles and elbows him, reaching for the brown cardboard box Sander had snatched at school to use as wrapping.

“I know, but you can open it now” 

Robbe does, carefully picking up the hand-bound book inside it and brushing a finger over the title written on it in graffiti lettering. 

_Robbe & Sander: minuut per minuut _

“Sander” Robbe sighs, surprised and clearly a little overwhelmed as he starts looking through the book. 

Page upon page of their memories together, from the first time Sander saw Robbe by the truck on graffiti night to their trip grocery shopping, Robbe braced over the shopping cart smiling like kid in a candy store. From drawings of him running in a paintball suit or singing on a bike, floating underwater or making faces at the camera to drawings of him laughing, perched on a kitchen counter, cucumber in hand, or decorating a Christmas tree in deep concentration. Plenty of blank pages left too for new drawings, new memories.

“Sander, this is too much” Robbe looks at him, wide-eyed and wonderful.

“Didn’t cost me a thing” Sander shrugs and smiles, “Someone in lithography and binding at school helped me make it, and frankly it was nice to have something to keep myself occupied” 

“It’s so beautiful, Sander” Robbe holds the book so lightly and Sander can tell he really means it, “Just promise me you’ll be in the rest of the drawings too, so far it’s really mostly _Robbe: minuut per minuut.._ ” he smiles.

“I wanted it to stay beautiful” Sander says quietly and looks down but Robbe grabs his chin, tilting his head back up to meet his gaze.

“You _are_ beautiful, Sander, inside and out” Robbe says assertively, both hands coming up to cup his face, “I wish you could see yourself like I do” 

Sander leans into the touch and turns his head to kiss Robbe’s hand, trying to let himself just receive.

“I have something for you too” Robbe reaches over him to pick up something, bringing back a small black jewelry box and giving it to Sander.

“Oh my god” Sander gasps and covers his mouth exaggeratedly, “Are you really proposing? I’m so happy!” he laughs and Robbe chuckles in response.

“Eh no?” he says, trying to look serious, “You promised me a balcony and a white limo Tesla, remember?” he frowns and Sander does remember, even if it still stings a little.

Robbe kisses him softly, like he can feel Sander tense at the memory. 

“Open it” he nods encouragingly.

Sander opens the box and finds a small Angel charm on a chain, almost identical to the one Robbe always wears, only this one is silver and Sander is lost for words.

“I wanted you to have a guardian angel too” Robbe smiles. 

“I do” 

“Well, one you can actually carry” Robbe teases, not so subtly hinting at all the times Sander’s managed to carry him for less than five seconds, “But I got you one in silver, didn’t wanna ruin your aesthetic” he winks.

“My aesthetic” Sander snorts, attacking Robbe with sloppy kisses and ruthless tickling until they’re both out of breath.

“It’s so beautiful, I love it” Sander lets Robbe help him put it on and hugs him closer, “Please say it wasn’t too expensive?” he says, but Robbe just kisses his nose and turns around in his arms, demanding to be the little spoon. Lacing their fingers together, Robbe kisses Sander's hand and peeks over his shoulder, smiling softly at him.

“Nothing’s too expensive for you, Sander.”

  
  


***  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I’m skamsnake on tumblr, come say hi or send me (preferably smutty) prompts <3


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